The Best Way to Love Your Body

For some time I have been suffering health issues. Minor things, but things I knew were not the norm for me and I thought could use some attention, so I sought medical treatment. I left the doctor feeling more discouraged than I did when I walked in the door. Have you ever faced the struggle of having to justify yourself to someone? Not just once, but over and over, until all you begin to feel is sheer exhaustion? That is how I felt when I left.  Most of my life I have been criticized for my size. I am an exceptionally small person and doctors grill me on this. The ironic fact is, I never suffer from body image until others point out the negative things about my body. I don't, on a general basis, look at myself in the mirror and feel disgusted by what I see. Do I like being my size? Not really. Pants are a joke to shop for! I get tired of having to convince doctors there's nothing wrong with me, it's hereditary — here wanna see a picture of my parents and my brothers? I dwelled on this for some time. I prayed, asking the Lord to allow me to not be offended, but to take my doctors advice with a grain of salt. I was challenged a couple days ago when a woman in the drug store made a snide remark about my size, but then quickly backtracked and apologized. Never have I had anyone apologize. More prayer.  And then God showed me the verse above, reminding me that my body is not my own, it has been bought with a price, and that it is not for me to worry about who my body impresses as long as it glorify's the Lord. I need not worry about measuring up to any statistics or standards, because they are nothing more than an average for the population. My God is not average and does create "average" things. He does not create people to be average, either, as we are created in His image, the ultimate Holy of Holies! In that, my body was made perfect. It is simply my duty to maintain the health and integrity of it during my temporary stay in this little shell. So that, sweet friends, is my Fitness Plan: To Love my Body As Unto the Lord. There is no greater way!
XO, Steph

A Place Called "Home"

The view from my second story apartment. The temperature is currently 10 degrees outside, and I am cozied up in front of the laptop with a hot cup of coffee and my fuzzy pink robe. And here, in this place, I am overcome with comfort and solace. Joy fills me!

It's funny how a place you can call home changes you. In all the years I lived in Colorado, I dreaded the winter months. I loathed the snow and any day that was less than 40 degrees and sunny. The icy, slick roads were my nemesis. I suppose it's because even after 8 years of living in Aurora, CO, it was never really "home."

I have thoroughly come to love living in Boone. The cold and snow and ice don't bother me the least bit. I even enjoy opening the curtains in the morning and seeing my kids' delight as they see snow on the ground. It's like magic fell from heaven to them!

I thank no one but God and His loving grace for that happiness. What place do you call "home"?

XO,

Steph

A Birthday Letter

Dear Liam,

Today you're seven years old. My mind still has a difficult time coming to grips with this fact. How do I have a seven-year-old? How can it be that seven years has passed already? 

I want you to know I pray many things for you each and every day. I pray that you will grow into a righteous man, one whose greatest desire is to serve Christ. I pray that as you grow, you learn to have a meek and humble spirit. I pray you overcome your shortcomings and do not let fear consume you, but rather allow yourself to be washed in God's loving grace all the days of your life. I pray you always hold onto to that silliness you surprise me with, for it is what keeps your mind grounded.

Did you know you're exceptionally intelligent? At just five years old you were asking me what gravity was, how it worked, and why God created it. Not since you were six months old has your brain stopped turning, always eager to learn something new. I pray that God has a plan to keep your mind occupied, to use it to its fullest potential, and to share His great works. Intelligence is fruitless if it lacks the knowledge of the Lord.

I also pray the Lord has a great woman for you someday, a helpmeet steadfast in His ways. I pray you love her as God commands you to. 

For now, I will continue to raise you in His ways, for He commands me, your mother, this: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) Take heart, this seventh birthday, in knowing that I will train you up in the way of Lord. This is the greatest gift I will ever be able to give you.

All my love,

Your mother

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Life lately [in photos]

Most days life is so busy I look back and wonder how on earth I get through it. Many days blur together, one right into the next. With children back in school, germs are in full force, wreaking even more havoc. With strep throat, upper respiratory and ear infection terrorizing my home, last week I only had time for one blog post. Just one! That made me a little sad, although I was glad I got to sneak in a little Photoshop time. I really enjoy learning it.

Friday was my day off, however. I took a girls day and went thrifting with Logan's mother and one of our neighbors. I picked up this darling little picture frame. It came with that photo inside. I liked it so much, I decided to leave it.

I also did some rearranging around the house this weekend. I brought my dresser full of fabric out of my room, into the living room. I had purchased a wooden toddler bed for my youngest daughter not too long ago, and in no time my children destroyed it. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THEM. THEY ARE CHEAP. While I was thrifting I found a metal toddler bed (much better) and snagged it. I took that cheap wood sleigh one, disassembled it, and used the headboard as a scarf rack. I'm considering using the foot board in my studio space.

And exciting, exciting, I got a new/used vehicle! This was an honest blessing. I have not had a car since mine broke down last December. It has not bothered me much living here. Bus service is free, paid for by the college. It's wonderful. But the buses don't leave the town of Boone. Anything outside of town has been off limits to me and all my children. And there's the snow. While there is bus service, I walk to most places, such as the bus stop, grocery store, bank, etc. I have been praying, leaving it to the Lord, knowing when a vehicle was right for me, I would know it. Logan came to me and said, Go test drive this car for sale, I'll watch the kids. I was a little dumbfounded. The whole thing was just that abrupt. But I did when Logan told me it was a mutual friend selling it who honestly needed it sold. She is a single momma of four and needed it gone. I had my mechanic look it over it, he gave it a thumbs up, and when I told him how much I was paying his jaw dropped and he said, "Take it!" So thank you, Lord, for a cheap, sound vehicle that will keep me from walking in the freezing snow this winter.

And how about this view of an Appalachian Mountain sunset? Yeah, I thought so. Things like this make me happy I live here. What a blessing God has been to me and my children.

How have your lives been lately? 

XO,

Steph

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Overcoming Divorce

How do you get over divorce?

I don't believe you really "get over" divorce. Like everything in life, time heals and you begin to move on. You learn how to build yourself anew. That has been the past year of my life: building it new -- but only with God's love and grace.

It was one year ago when I saw my father for the first time in a good number of years. Life had been unkind and taken its toll on my body. I was newly separated, depressed, and severely underweight. I couldn't stop getting sick, and I was growing weary of it, physically, mentally and emotionally. I was caring for three children on my own, all who didn't understand. They acted out, I banished myself to another room to release tears that were impossible to hold back. I smoked a pack a day to check out, kill time. Self-destruction held no regard. I later learned that after my brief visit with my dad, he called my mother and wept on the phone to her. The sight of how frail and sunken I was broke his heart.

People often made remarks about a what a strong person I was, saying I was a better woman than they, and so forth, although I didn't feel it most times. People asked how I did it, and always my answer was the same: 

By the grace of God. 

The fact was, I could not do it on my own. On my own, I crumbled. I grew bitter. Resentful. Hateful and angry. My sole desire was to curl into a ball and pray life would stop existing. But God was so kind to me. He took pity on me. He allowed my world to crumble beneath my feet so that I may be brought to my knees and be humbled.

It has been a heart-wrenching year. It has been a happy year. It has been a year full of trials and tribulations. It has been a year in which I learned how wicked and deceitful my own heart could be. It has been a year in which I realized how meek and humble it ought to be. 

I have learned to love and forgive. I have learned to stand on my own two feet. I have learned to praise God for all that I hold dear. For His grace is sufficient!

One year ago August 29, I loaded what I could of my belongings into a 5x8 trailer, hitched to the back of my SUV, and departed Colorado. In the pitch black of early morning, I watched my home vanish from sight through the rear view mirror. Let me tell you, this is why I say you never really "get over" divorce. I had a month to pack and cope and come to terms with everything. But with each passing mile, I got angrier and angrier. I grew more terrified. How was I going to make it on my own? How was I going to provide for three children by myself? Could I survive? I doubted whether or not God's grace was sufficient. I held onto this doubt for many months, and, once again, in December of last year, God let it all blow up in my face, brought me to my knees, yet again, and showed me, Yes, His Grace is Sufficient!

I cannot say exactly what brought me to North Carolina, other than faith. Faith that I was not strong enough to do everything on my own. Faith that God would carry the burden for me. Faith that I was hearing God right when He told me to pack up my children (a second time in so many months) and move them somewhere we've never been. But here we are, nestled deep in the mountains, and we're loving it! God knew this was where we needed to be. He knew this place would bring us peace and joy. He knew I would be able to provide for my kids. And He knew the people who already lived here, whose lives I would come to affect. It's amazing how God knows all our lives, all our circumstances, and can bring us together to change each others lives for the good.

It is with a tearful smile I can say I've gained over 15 pounds back, I rarely get sick, I stopped smoking, for their is no need for me to check out anymore, and I am happy. I can also proudly say that recently I updated my Facebook profile photo and received a delighted call from my dad how good I was looking these days.

So for those who may wonder "How Do You Get Over Divorce?" My answer is, you don't. You get through it. One day at a time, with each breath, clinging to the grace of God for dear life.

All my love today!

Steph

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God made the sun

What a beautiful start to my morning! 

Coming back from the bus stop, my youngest daughter Olivia stopped and pointed to the hill behind our home and said, "Mom, look, God's making the sun!"

I cannot tell you how this warmed my heart, to hear her delight in God's creation. It developed into a conversation of why God made the sun and the moon, one to rule the day and one to rule the night, separating light from darkness. God touched my heart more as I turned to these verses in my bible, reminding me that at the end, He "saw that it was good."

You may also be interested to know that my mother-in-law has a blog where she has been doing a bible study on the Eternal message in the stars. Her notes are beautiful!

What are you delighting in today?

Much delight from me to you!

Steph

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Ramblings :: Days gone by

This photo really has nothing to do with today's post, I just thought it was something cute. A makeup artist I worked with back in Colorado shared it on Facebook recently and I was tickled with it!

I suppose in a way it relates, in the "Keep Calm" sense. All through the night I remained restless, my eyes never waning, as I thought of my kids, the months gone by, the growth they've made. Time seems to be getting away from me. I laid there in the dead quiet thinking about how summer is almost over. I'm almost 30 years old, what have I accomplished? I've raised three pretty awesome kids, which is a task in and of itself, but I feel like there's something more I want/need to do, but haven't yet done it. Although I don't know what. 

I've been talking to Snookums lately about possibly going back to school. I miss writing, I miss it dearly. I regret never having furthered my education. I have no real skills, other than being a homemaker. Of course, Logan would tell you I have more skills than most people combined. If I can do it, I will.

But as I get older, I feel as though I'm losing more and more days. Fewer days to do the things I desire, the things I dream of. I think back on the days when I was younger, when my only real responsibility was passing US History, and I took better care of myself. Every morning I went out of my way to apply my makeup, fix my hair, pick out a nice outfit. Flip flops are a staple now and I can recall one time last week that I blow dried my hair. 

Life seems too busy, but there's only me to do it all. I'm learning life as a single mother. I have always felt a shred of compassion for single moms, but now I'm walking a mile in their shoes, and boy, is it tough!

I reflect often on my relationship with God as well. I am no longer in a place where I am angry with Him. For the most part I feel happy with my relationship with the Lord. But I don't feel I'm putting all I need to in it. Daily devotion is not a part of it, and I know it's necessary. This blog post alone has taken me the course of an entire day to write (one reason I don't blog everyday). But I once heard if you're too busy to read your bible, you're busier than God ever intended you to be. 

Here's hoping I learn how to slow down and balance life, faith, kids and myself.

Steph

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Why it's crucial to teach kids about God

Something I often encourage my children to do is talk to the Lord. If they're upset with me for being disciplined, I simply tell them they need to talk to the Lord about their attitude, ask Him if their ill feelings are profitable. That is what my son is doing in the photo above, taking a timeout, having a moment alone with God. (I think it is important to encourage them to build their own relationships with God, for I am merely their mother. I cannot be their Messiah.)

Yesterday Liam came to me and said, "Mom, you know how I haven't been feeling too good and my nose has been all stuffed up?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"Well, do you know what I did?" he went on. "I took a timeout and asked God if He could help me feel a little better 'cause I didn't want to be sick on vacation this weekend. And it worked! God helped me feel better!"

That warmed my heart like no other. Something as simple as a stuffy nose, he went to God and delighted in the result.

It wasn't always like this in my house though. Sure, I knew Christ, but my relationship with God was strained. I was angry. Then one day my son asked me what a bible was. A BIBLE! That blew my mind. My kid didn't know what a Bible was. This is why I encourage my kids to ask the Lord if their feelings are profitable. I was angry at God, shoving Him away, and at the same time depriving my kids the opportunity to have a relationship with Him. It wasn't as though I wasn't feeding them, providing for them, or all around being a "bad mother." 

No. 

Much worse. 

I was robbing them of the choice of eternal life.

As parents we are commanded to raise our children in the way of the Lord. It should never matter what the state of our relationship with God is. It's okay to be mad at God sometimes. But we are still responsible for teaching our children what scripture says. As believers, our children should learn from us that Christ died for our sins; and they should come to understand, through us, that they have a choice to accept Christ as their personal Lord and Savior and have eternal life. It is never our place to deprive them of that, something so glorious. Let them make that decision for themselves.

And if you're struggling, know you are not alone. I struggle day in and day out. But remember to ask God first and foremost, Is it profitable?

So much love and hugs!

Steph

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Lady Etiquette: Be a lady, not a gossip

Sure, you can have it. Scroll down ...

I know it's been a while since we first addressed the Lady Etiquette series. It is something I feel deserves a lot of thorough consideration, as our goal is to uplift others with it. Today's encouragement comes straight from God's mouth.

1 Thessalonians 4:11:

"Make it your ambition to live a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands."

I recite this verse like a mantra in my home. Every time one of my children tattles on the other, I simply respond with this verse. When they begin talking about what one of their friends/classmates did to get into trouble, I respond with this verse. It's one of my favorite verses. I honestly believe being a busy-body and a gossip is one of the most unattractive things a woman (or anyone) can do. It goes back to holding yourself to high level of respect. Not necessarily being self-righteous, but rather exercising a shred of meekness.

It seems I've been saying it a lot lately, more to adults, however, than to my children. I keep getting told everyone else's business in some way or another, which I don't care to hear (or read). In a day and age with Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc., it's so easy for our personal business to be aired all over the place. 

Keep your private life private. 

Don't over-share. 

Don't share others' private business. It's their business to share, not yours. 

If others are spreading rumors, saying nasty, hateful things, do not allow that poisonous talk to seep into your thinking. 

There is no need for you to concern yourself with other people. You only need to worry about yourself. 

Keep your eyes focused on your tasks and your goals. 

Inspire others by encouraging them to grow in character and abound in faith!

1 THESSALONIANS TYPOGRAPHY DOWNLOAD

Or you can use my chalkboard background and create your own graphic designs!

CHALKBOARD BACKGROUND DOWNLOAD

Oodles of love!

Steph

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My thoughts on being made imperfect

art via Huffington Post article

There was this moment yesterday where I felt a tinge a guilt when I realized I have not posted a tutorial. In fact, the tutorial I have mentioned working on is still sitting here. I do about a step a day. I had started a different blog post on my desktop (that's where I do most of my photo editing and research), and the post is still over there, unfinished. I've begun re-writing my novel. I was also gifted a new book to read. The laundry is washed, but the dishes are not. Only two out of three kids are dressed for the day.

All the imperfection, and I was sitting here, thinking how it was a beautiful morning!

I apologize for any readers who may have felt "neglected" for lack of a better word. It is not as though I do not desire to make my blog and readership a priority. It is simply that I love my life and I prefer to enjoy it one slow moment at a time. Yesterday my kids and I spent five hours outside playing. We completely lost track of time we were having so much fun. It was delightful. I try to spend as much time enjoying them as I can. My middle will be in kindergarten in the Fall, and then what? Before I know it, my kids will be gone.

I spent a large part of my life striving for perfection because I was always told I wasn't doing a good enough job. Every moved I made was looked in on and judged. It was often difficult to breathe. If you ever have felt this way, you understand. Eventually I accepted the fact that I'm only person, I will never be perfect, and I will never live up to anyone else's standards. More importantly I realized, for anyone to expect me to was unkind. God made me just as I am. He designed me with flaws so that I can lean on Him (and Him alone) to overcome them. That's what I believe, that He made us with flaws so as a testing of our faith. If we are perfect, how then will we ever need Him?

So now I enjoy my days, taking things in stride, never fretting if it isn't done. Yesterday I wrote one page in my novel, making it my goal to write at a minimum of four pages per week. My blog goal is to post at least three times per week. Snookums and I had a conversation, where we decided it would be best if we designated one night a week for just the two of us.

Life is full of chaos, so prioritize everything in pieces. Little pieces of crazy are much easier to deal with than a heaping pile! I hope you all have a beautiful Monday. After all, you've been gifted one more week of life!

 Liam's last day of kindergarten.

 Liv snuggles!

Like mother, like daughter! Wraps have been my go-to method while growing my hair out, and Lana took quite a liking to it.

Toodles!

Steph

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My "lot"

The topic at hand is discussing something difficult about my "lot in life" and how I overcome it. The truth is, I could never pack all that into one blog post. It would need an entire series dedicated to it. Because the truth is my "lot" will never go away. I am, and will always be, a mother. And not just any mother. 

A single mother.

My lot in life is accepting that my marriage did not go the way I intended the day I dawned my white wedding dress nine years ago. 

My lot is learning to love, nurture and care for three young children on my own. 

My lot is being the only disciplinarian.

My lot is making sure there is food on the table and warm bath water running.

My lot is putting children, life and all my daily tasks above writing, creativity and my dreams.

My lot is stifling the jealousy I feel when those I know celebrate anniversaries with spouses and boast about how happy they are. They have every right to boast about that, do they not? I have no right to be envious, for LOVE does not envy (1 Corinthians 13:4).

My "lot" is hardly anything to complain about. I have my children. I have a home. I am loved. I want for nothing. And it is only through God's grace that this is. That is how I overcome it: 

By the grace of God!

Love dearly,

Steph

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Favorite quote

I wanted to join in today with everyone from Story of my Life, in the challenge to blog everyday in May. Today Jenni asked to write about your favorite quote. I knew I needed to write about this topic. My favorite quote actually came from my mother-in-law.

"How can you plan for tomorrow when you only have today to live?" --Peri Kay McDonnell

During the months of my trials I struggled with the need to control. Everything was crumbling around me and I tried my hardest to take control of everything. I had to think ahead and plan for everything that might possibly go wrong. I had three kids to consider and I needed all of my bases to be covered.

In December, everything that could possibly go wrong did. Months of hard work just ripped out from under me. I cried for a week! Then I finally decided to listen to what God had been trying to tell me. I confided all of this to my mother-in-law, and she replied, "How can you plan for tomorrow when you only have today to live?"

It was the best thing anyone had said to me.

I was so filled with worry. But that one phrase reminded me that I need not worry about tomorrow, but to only ask for my daily bread. It has been the most freeing way to live!

Love dearly,
Steph

P.S. My MIL has been a bible study teacher for many years, and has recently started a blog to share her studies about the Eternal Message in the Stars.

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Story of My Life