Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Stuck in a Rut as an At-home Mom

This is is a bit of an impromptu blog post. There are no fancy pictures for it, nor will there be any post etiquette, which I often try to portray in my blog posts. It is as raw as it will get here. The fact is I have been feeling inadequate in society. I decided to sit and blog about it because surely I'm not the only mother with these same feelings. And if there is one thing I know about this community is that there is always encouragement to be found. Not just for me, but for those dealing as well. 

For ten years I have been an at-home mom. I know nothing else. Well, my littlest one is going into school next fall, and then what? 

I know the bible says in the world, not of the world (Romans 12:2), but that is easier said than done, is it not? I am a single mother of three, with this mounting to pressure to achieve certain family goals. I keep wondering, What's next for me? Where do I go from here? There is this "need," this pressure to move out of my apartment and into a larger place. I can't purchase a home because I have no job, no means of regular income. No lender in their right mind would give me a loan for $150,000 with no income. But the price to rent is so high, I immediately feel discouraged. 

Begin job search ...

Qualifications ... Don't have three years experience ... No, I don't know Excel and ... whatever the heck that program is ... Sorry, degree required. Because we all know twenty-one year old's are freaking brilliant! ... Can't work those hours with kids ... $8.50/hour?

Basically, I am qualified to work part-time in a drive-thru for minimum wage. Bring on the $1400/mo rental payment!

I feel so unaccomplished, and, in truth, useless. I'm unskilled, uneducated, and responsible for three little babes. I have been considering going back to school next fall, but then I can't move. My children still have to be my number one priority, which, for me, immediately excludes working and going to school. It's this viscous cycle I can't seem to make heads or tails of.

In the world, not of the world, but how do you function in the world when there are nothing but road blocks? Don't worry, I know the answer to that. It's called FAITH. But some days it's so hard to follow blindly, especially when there are voices all around telling you the contrary.

Yesterday as I sat browsing through job listings, feeling quite frankly like a worthless moron, I was told, "It's all about who you know." Bazinga! Of course! Because the new girl in town who spends her time at home taking care of her four-year-old has so many connections! How did I not think of that sooner?

I can't ask you to forgive my sarcasm, because the fact is I am a really sarcastic person. I'd be asking that all day. What can I say? I love a good pun!

So there it is, this rut. This little trap in the woods that has snared my foot and won't let go until I solve its riddle. I'm terrible at riddles!

So much love from me to you!

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