A Date Night Etiquette Guide: What's Acceptable?

There it is, that gut-wrenching moment when he checks his phone, not once, not twice, but three times, and then lingers on it, completely uninterested in the dolled-up girl sitting across the table from him. I watched this happen recently when I out to dinner with Logan. We sat, enjoying each other and a glass of wine, when he discreetly pointed over my shoulder and said, "I feel bad for that girl over there. He's not even paying attention to her." A quick glance revealed a young man on his cell phone, while the girl he was dining with poked at her food with her fork, not eating. That man sat on his phone through their entire meal. Ahead of me, the same instance with another couple, but with both of them playing on their phones the entire time. Logan said to me, "Why bother taking her out if you're not going to enjoy her company?" When we go out, we make the best of it! I don't have the luxury of a babysitter just lying around, awaiting my beck and call. I thought on this, and realized Logan made a fine point. But not simply why bother?, but more importantly, why be so unkind? Why make it so blatantly obvious you are not interested as to leave a girl sitting in silence, feeling self-conscious? I decided it was time to get back to basics, and go over some rules for date night. Whether you're on a first date or your twentieth, these rules will make your time and money worthwhile, as well as improve your relationship. Leave The Electronics Behind We are in quite the electronic age. We depend on our phones and tablets daily, whether it be a reminder to remove the casserole from the oven or for managing your own business. This is entirely understandable. But when on a date, turn them to vibrate and don't answer unless it is absolutely important. Be willing to sacrifice an hour or so of your time, otherwise the date is wasted. Show Some Manners There is nothing more unattractive than a date without basic manners. Place your napkin in your lap, don't eat like a glutton, and don't drink yourself into a giggly mess. Honestly, ladies, don't do this, especially on a first date. Showing you can hold your liquor in public is hardly attractive. Don't swear every other word. Be kind to your server. Express your pleases and thank yous. If your order is incorrect in anyway, be kind in your approach to the staff. Unless you're at an art gallery, or something akin to this, don't let your eyes wander around the aimlessly. Focus your attention on your guest. Ask him/her questions, more so if it's a first date, and make an effort to connect and get to know each other. This, after all, is the point of a date. What To Order On A Dinner Date This can easily leave you wondering, certainly not wanting to appear rude for salivating over that succulent picture of lobster displayed before you. I have the benefit that Logan will come right out and tell me how much he has budgeted for a meal. Depending, he'll tell me "Let's try to keep it around $10-$15 a plate" or "If you want the lobster, go ahead." No problem! Lobster it is! But not all dates are quite this forthright. I personally wouldn't be so forthright as to ask what your spending limit is, because this can put the payer of the bill in an awkward position. If they have not come out and told you to order whatever you like, then a good rule of thumb is to ask what they are having. If they say they're having a burger, you know to order something a little less expensive. If they are going for steak and potatoes, consider it the median price range. If they want the whole shebang, steak and lobster and cocktails, go ahead and indulge along with him/her. But be sure to keep those cocktails to a minimum. Who Pays The Bill This can often be an awkward moment of contention on a date. Whether you're at dinner, headed to a movie, or going somewhere else, you never want to be caught by surprise. My rule of thumb has always been whoever asked should pay. If he has asked, but left it a little unclear, don't hesitate to be upfront about it. "Should I plan to purchase my own ticket?" This is discreet and inoffensive. If the lady has asked, but come time to pay the bill, he offers, let him. He is trying to be gentlemanly, and refusing to let him will only be a shot at his pride. Simply say thank you. The End Date What happens at this point is purely between you and your date. But just a little advice, if this is a first date that has not gone as well as you would have hoped, continue to be kind. Walk the lady to her door, thank her for her company, and say goodnight. That's it. If it went great, great! But have a little respect for one another. If they want to invite you inside, they will. If they don't, don't invite yourself. That is about as unattractive as proving you can hold her liquor, only to learn you cannot. Again, thank her for her company and, if you want, ask if you can see her again. If you're on your twentieth date and the babysitter is waiting, head on in and enjoy the fact that the house is quiet and you didn't have to put the kids to bed! XO, Steph Image courtesy of Stef Lewandowski Editing by NewlyMynted Graphic design by NewlyMynted

Oh, Martha, Let's talk

For those who haven't heard, Martha Stewart recently said in an interview on Bloomberg that bloggers are not experts. Sure, it's taboo to argue with Martha, nor is it "appropriate" to be argumentative or political on a blog, but today we're going to be real. For the past couple days I have been tweeting back and forth with some sweet folks on Twitter on the topic, and we reached a great point: that place where the line is drawn.

To an extent Martha is correct. But only to a small extent. Bloggers ought to blog with ethics. If you have not thoroughly studied chemical compounds and the like, it is not wise to share hair treatment advice. There are a lot of PH levels and other chemicals you must understand. I do not, so, no, I will not tell you how to best dye your hair and what conditioning treatment will work best for you. Everyone's hair is also different, so that will always play a big factor. I have consulted my stylist about hair advice, and she has animatedly insisted I not share it on my blog and ask me not to quote her. Why? Because if it doesn't work for your hair, it comes back to her and to me.

There are many other topics we could go through, but I think beauty bloggers tend to me my own biggest pet peeve, because this is your physical body we are talking about, applying ingredients and chemicals to your skin and hair, all directed by inexperienced bloggers. 

So, yes, Martha, there you have a point.

But I do not think it's fair to lump all bloggers into one single You're-Not-An-Expert category. I have readily admitted I am not an expert, but I shared my Mustard Greens Recipe anyway, because it was loved by many. Not just myself, but the southern community I have taken to. I did not "copy" anyone's. I stood in front of my fridge and thought, what do I have on hand that I can throw in here? I am sure there are many other recipes like it, as it is not an overly-complicated recipe. But it is mine. I am also learning Photoshop, and as someone who is self-taught, I have tried sharing little things I learn along the way for others who want to learn.

Martha, you quote in your interview, "They're not trained editors at Vogue Magazine. They're copies of what really good editors have created and done."

Okay, I'm going to jump on that right now, because I know for a fact that editors COPY WHAT BLOGGERS HAVE DONE. In case you don't follow Epbot, late last year Redbook Magazine took her Flip Flop Hanger tutorial, traced her pictures with colored pencil, then published the idea as their own in their January issue with no credit to Epbot whatsoever. When the editor of Redbook was alerted to this she immediately corrected the mistake, even quoting "Creative women like you are key contributors to our magazine." What sweet recognition!

Which brings me to my final point, Martha. How many bloggers have you had as guests on your show and your website? How many times have you stood there, beaming over their creations and recipes and know-how, and all the while you've been thinking, "You don't know what you're talking about, you're not an 'expert'?" This begs the question, why do you have them on your show then? Because your producer said so? Do you not truly support them and value their work? Are you not self-taught as well? Did you not leap into your own business adventures based on what you knew you had a knack for? You did not study culinary arts or interior design or any form of writing, yet you developed skills on your own, which you now share with the world. How does this make you any different than us bloggers? 

I must say, that was a little saddening to hear your lack of support for the creative community. After-all, we enjoy your products. We beam with sincerity at your creativity. I oohed and ahhed over your costume on the latest issue of Martha Stewart Living. You truly did give beauty to Halloween! We envy what you have done for yourself. And until that statement, you gave a small bit of hope to other creative individuals on the possibilities their creative genius could have.

I know you are entitled to your thoughts and opinions, and I would not dream of denying you them. I am sorry if you think us bloggers create a "popularity" of some kind. My personal opinion is that the statement sounded like one of inferiority. Please let me assure you, I personally do not mean to encroach on your empire in any way, or desire to create a "popularity" that would take away from your creative domain. My sole goal on my amateuristic blog is to encourage others to be the best version of themselves they can be. To give hope to other single mothers barely making it along that there is possibility. To ensure they know it only takes a little ingenuity and creativity. I want to uplift others and be sure they know they can be a self-made woman and be proud of that!

Sincerely,

Disappointed

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Easy Southern Style Bacon Mustard Greens

Little by little I am learning the vast differences between city life and southern life. It seems greens are a staple food here in the south. I can't recall ever having had them in my life until recently. They are one of Logan's favorite foods.

I found myself scratching my head for a moment there, because I tried to make collard greens once and they were very tough, hardly chewable. For this, I went to his mother, a woman who grew up in a vegetable garden. She instructed me on the importance of the prep work involved in cooking mustard greens or collard greens just right. I quickly discovered I prefer mustard greens to collards because they have a spice to them, a flavor I enjoy. From there it was a matter of making the recipe my own. I know enough about cooking to know it's a matter of the palette and combining foods and spices that complement each other. And boy did it work! To quote Logan, "Don't ever tell my mother this, but I think yours are better." Even Regina thought so. She has now appointed me the mustard greens maker. What a compliment! Here is the Super Simple Bacon Mustard Greens Recipe (with nutritional info). Because I am a firm believer that everything is better with bacon.

Serves: 2
Prep: About 1 hr
Cook time: 40 min

Ingredients:
1 bundle (6-7 cups leaves) mustard greens (DO NOT buy the chopped pre-packaged bags of mustard or collard greens. Ever.)
10 slices bacon, chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 mushrooms, diced

Prep Work:
Prepping your greens is the most important thing to getting them to cook just right. When you don't prep them properly, this is when they become tough and gritty to eat.

Fill your sink with cold water. Place your mustard greens in the sink and begin de-veining them. De-vein each leaf by pulling the leaves off of the center stem. The stem is what causes the toughness when you bite it, so remove it. This is also why I say not to buy the pre-packaged greens. They come chopped, so you have to de-vein each teeny tiny chopped leaf. Discard each stem and store your leaves in a large bowl.

Notice your sink water is most likely now brown and contains a lot of dirt. Drain it and refill it with cold water. Add the leaves back to the sink and agitate consistently for 2-3 minutes. Remove leaves and drain dirty water. Repeat this process until your sink water remains clear. It took me about three washing's. Mustard greens have very curly leaves which cause a lot of dirt to embed in them.

Now on to my award-winning recipe!

Cooking:
Saute bacon, garlic and mushrooms together in a large stock pot; drain any grease from the bacon. Fill pot with 1" of water and bring to a rapid boil. Return bacon to the pot, along with the greens. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and cook for 30 minutes. The greens will shrink down considerably.

Serves two as a main dish (Logan loves it all on its own) or four as a side dish with some stuffed pork chops.

I've also included the nutritional info for this recipe. As you can see, it is high in protein and low in calories. A great good-for-you meal!

Let me know in the comments below if you try this recipe. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

XO,
Steph

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An in-depth guide to mildewy towels

The water is piping, warmth streaming down your back. Feeling clean, refreshed, you shut off the shower and reach for your towel. And there it hits you, that stinky smell of mildew built up in the fibers that you are now spreading all over your body as you dry off. Your clean, refreshing shower is now officially ruined from that putrid stench.

That's pretty much how I felt for a time. My towels smelled horrid. Every time I dried myself off, I felt I was spreading mold and mildew all over my skin. Yes, I said mold. You know that nasty stuff that builds up along the bottom of your shower curtain liner? That's what is building up in your towels, making them smell as bad as they do. I found there were easy ways to clean them, but I wanted to know what caused it and why. So I did some research and here is what I found:

First let's talk towels. Towels are made of 100% cotton. The absolute finest cotton towel you can buy is Egyptian cotton. It has a very expensive weave, making it more absorbent and soft. The next best thing is Pima cotton, also very absorbent. The absorbency is why they make such a great use for towels, they absorb water quickly. These towels can easily run you upwards of $10-$15 per bath towel. Often you find towels that say something along the lines of "made with" Pima or Egyptian cotton. These often contain other low quality materials. It's all about marketing!

Over time, with use (or wear and tear) towels begin to lose their absorbency. Low quality towels do so more quickly. Eventually they begin to absorb bacteria and fungi that build up in the bathroom. An additional cause of towels losing their absorbency is how they are washed. Too much detergent can saturate the close-knit fibers in a towel, and fabric softener coats them. Imagine my surprise to find that little Snuggles bear has been deceiving me all this time with his fluffy basket of towels. Cuteness be darned!

Never fear, for there is an easy solution:
Wash no more than three large towels at a time with 1 1/2 cups of white vinegar in HOT water. Run the load again with 1/2 cup of baking soda, also in hot water. Dry them until they are completely dry. Not just hot, but dry. Do not use fabric softener. Mine were pretty bad smelling and this washing technique helped get almost everything out. If only you could have seen me standing in the laundry room, sniffing my towels as they came out of the dryer. It was like heaven, and people thought I was strange. If only they knew ...!

You can also make your life easier and use some preventative measures to keep this build up from forming. After each shower leave a window open or the bathroom fan running to allow the moisture in the room to escape. Don't wash your towels in large quantities. Continue to wash them in vinegar, as the acidity gets the really dirty things clean. Do not wash them in detergents (unless it is anti-microbial) or dry with fabric softeners. A fungus-free, smelly good towel is far better than a Downy soft towel in my opinion.

I hope my bit of research is useful to you. Do you have any natural ways of cleaning mildew around your home?

Much love from my home to yours!
Steph

Image courtesy missmac

Graphic design by NewlyMynted

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Blogger Blooper Photos

When I take photos of myself for the blog, I try not to make them too posed. Who really gazes far and wide out the window, as if searching for their long lost soul? When I gaze longingly out my window it's usually because a cop car has pulled up across the way and I'm wondering why they're here. Then I remember our Lady Etiquette and draw the blinds closed. So when Logan and I head out to snap a few photos, we usually keep it as natural as possible. We talk and laugh and joke and act like goofs, and he snaps away almost candidly. These are all head shots, since that's what I was aiming to update.

Note to self: Just because it's overcast outside in the morning, don't wait till the middle of the afternoon for the sun to come out. That's a lot of shadows. At least it was warm!

 I have no idea what I'm staring at. A bird? A plane? Superman?

Must've been Mr. Freeze, from the looks of it. Why else would I do this if not for brain freeze?

 Earth to Stephanie!

Since there was so much sun overhead, I decided it would be a good idea to move under a big tree so that all light and shadows would be even. It worked. Sort of. Anyone else notice the tree reflecting its splendid colors off my hair? Photography do's and don'ts!

Hmm? Oohhhhh!

"'Sup?"

Ahhh, just right. Naturally windswept hair and all!

I hope this gave you all a little laugh. Thanks for goofing off with me today!

Love and hugs,

Steph

Camera settings: f3.4/ISO 400

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