A Date Night Etiquette Guide: What's Acceptable?

There it is, that gut-wrenching moment when he checks his phone, not once, not twice, but three times, and then lingers on it, completely uninterested in the dolled-up girl sitting across the table from him. I watched this happen recently when I out to dinner with Logan. We sat, enjoying each other and a glass of wine, when he discreetly pointed over my shoulder and said, "I feel bad for that girl over there. He's not even paying attention to her." A quick glance revealed a young man on his cell phone, while the girl he was dining with poked at her food with her fork, not eating. That man sat on his phone through their entire meal. Ahead of me, the same instance with another couple, but with both of them playing on their phones the entire time. Logan said to me, "Why bother taking her out if you're not going to enjoy her company?" When we go out, we make the best of it! I don't have the luxury of a babysitter just lying around, awaiting my beck and call. I thought on this, and realized Logan made a fine point. But not simply why bother?, but more importantly, why be so unkind? Why make it so blatantly obvious you are not interested as to leave a girl sitting in silence, feeling self-conscious? I decided it was time to get back to basics, and go over some rules for date night. Whether you're on a first date or your twentieth, these rules will make your time and money worthwhile, as well as improve your relationship. Leave The Electronics Behind We are in quite the electronic age. We depend on our phones and tablets daily, whether it be a reminder to remove the casserole from the oven or for managing your own business. This is entirely understandable. But when on a date, turn them to vibrate and don't answer unless it is absolutely important. Be willing to sacrifice an hour or so of your time, otherwise the date is wasted. Show Some Manners There is nothing more unattractive than a date without basic manners. Place your napkin in your lap, don't eat like a glutton, and don't drink yourself into a giggly mess. Honestly, ladies, don't do this, especially on a first date. Showing you can hold your liquor in public is hardly attractive. Don't swear every other word. Be kind to your server. Express your pleases and thank yous. If your order is incorrect in anyway, be kind in your approach to the staff. Unless you're at an art gallery, or something akin to this, don't let your eyes wander around the aimlessly. Focus your attention on your guest. Ask him/her questions, more so if it's a first date, and make an effort to connect and get to know each other. This, after all, is the point of a date. What To Order On A Dinner Date This can easily leave you wondering, certainly not wanting to appear rude for salivating over that succulent picture of lobster displayed before you. I have the benefit that Logan will come right out and tell me how much he has budgeted for a meal. Depending, he'll tell me "Let's try to keep it around $10-$15 a plate" or "If you want the lobster, go ahead." No problem! Lobster it is! But not all dates are quite this forthright. I personally wouldn't be so forthright as to ask what your spending limit is, because this can put the payer of the bill in an awkward position. If they have not come out and told you to order whatever you like, then a good rule of thumb is to ask what they are having. If they say they're having a burger, you know to order something a little less expensive. If they are going for steak and potatoes, consider it the median price range. If they want the whole shebang, steak and lobster and cocktails, go ahead and indulge along with him/her. But be sure to keep those cocktails to a minimum. Who Pays The Bill This can often be an awkward moment of contention on a date. Whether you're at dinner, headed to a movie, or going somewhere else, you never want to be caught by surprise. My rule of thumb has always been whoever asked should pay. If he has asked, but left it a little unclear, don't hesitate to be upfront about it. "Should I plan to purchase my own ticket?" This is discreet and inoffensive. If the lady has asked, but come time to pay the bill, he offers, let him. He is trying to be gentlemanly, and refusing to let him will only be a shot at his pride. Simply say thank you. The End Date What happens at this point is purely between you and your date. But just a little advice, if this is a first date that has not gone as well as you would have hoped, continue to be kind. Walk the lady to her door, thank her for her company, and say goodnight. That's it. If it went great, great! But have a little respect for one another. If they want to invite you inside, they will. If they don't, don't invite yourself. That is about as unattractive as proving you can hold her liquor, only to learn you cannot. Again, thank her for her company and, if you want, ask if you can see her again. If you're on your twentieth date and the babysitter is waiting, head on in and enjoy the fact that the house is quiet and you didn't have to put the kids to bed! XO, Steph Image courtesy of Stef Lewandowski Editing by NewlyMynted Graphic design by NewlyMynted

What's in a Romantic Relationship

As I'm sitting here this morning, coffee in hand, I have been reflecting on many things. Through my failed marriage, I learned many things, all of which I am grateful I can be open and honest with my ex-husband about. But there was something he said recently that touched me, and triggered these thoughts. He said he was happy I had found someone who loved me the way Logan does, that I deserved that kind of happiness. And over the past few days I have been thinking on this, thinking of the ways Logan loves me and what it means to be in a relationship.

First, let me start by stating with absolute fact that CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD. I do not care what people say. It is not. I personally feel to say it is dead, is to give young men an excuse to put no effort into a relationship. It trains them up to think women are not worth wooing. Yes, such a statement teaches men to devalue women. 

We also live in a society of female empowerment. Don't get me wrong, I strongly encourage every woman to build their confidence, know they can stand on their own two feet, and can dare to dream BIG. But what about the days when men pursued women? What's wrong with being a fragile, delicate being? When did we lose that? When did a desire to be desired become "high maintenance?" 

Let me tell you, ladies, I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I have done the pursuing and I have been the pursued, but being pursued has been the most fulfilling! And, yes, this is where Logan comes into the picture. At the time I had met him, I was unsure I wanted a relationship. I still felt jilted by the dissolution of my marriage. But I figured if he thought I really was worth it, he would put in all the effort he could, and be patient until I felt I was ready.

Boy did he ever! At the time he wasn't making very much money, but he scraped together every dollar he could, drove 10 hours to where I was at, picked me up, then drove me seven hours to Pensacola, where we spent an amazing weekend on the beach together. He took me thrifting all over town, browsed boutiques with me on the boardwalk, and had a beer with me at a sports bar. He opened doors for me, never once suggested we go dutch on any meal (or that I get the next one), and spoiled me with nonsensical trinkets from the gas station merely for a laugh.

And it didn't end there. In fact, a year later, he still goes out of his way quite often to show how much I mean to him. The other day he sat down and said, "What could be better than this? I've got a beautiful girl, three beautiful kids, and a puppy to snuggle!" (Yes, I adopted a puppy for Christmas. More on that later.)

I allowed him the opportunity to express his desire for me, and IT WORKED! He continues to everyday.

Which brings me to my final point, what can you hope to get out of a relationship? I recently read an article titled "Marriage is Not For Me." Take a moment to read it. Relationships are not about what you get out of them. That is a selfish way of thinking. Relationships are about what you can give. What you can put into it to make your partner feel loved. Christ had a servants mentality while in the flesh, he was humble. I feel that is how we should enter our relationships, willing to give rather than receive.

XO,
Steph